Sweet Serendipity

Oh how God works in crazy ways. 

Last week, the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. It was the best night of my life and I wish that I could relive it over and over again - the suspense, the surprise, the secret scheming of my best friends. But never in a million years would I have ever imagined that this would happen at this point in my life.

Nine months ago I was ready to pack up everything and leave for Africa, become a nun(such a ridiculous thought), sign away my life to med school, or whatever other wild life-changing thing was plausible. After many teenage years of boy-crazy days, longing for the perfect love story, I decided that I didn't want to get married or fall in love anymore. I wanted to do something 'crazy' ... 'for God' (whatever that meant?)  

Ironically, within a month after my new life decision, God dropped someone in front of me - or more like shone a light on him since he had been in my life for the past six years - and pretty much shouted (kindly, but clearly) "Here you go, Kayla!"

I first learned that this word existed when I was in grade 11. My teacher had a pretty-looking poster on the wall with the word decorated in a fancy way. I had no idea what it meant, but I thought it sounded interesting. Last semester I finally found the definition in my statistics textbook: "finding one thing when you are looking for something else." Personally I think that's too beautiful of a definition for a research book.

God is the King of serendipity. 

I was looking for adventure, and instead God brought me love - an adventure in itself. 

I wanted to feel the thrill of freedom. God wanted me to feel a physical representation of His love - in which I would find the greatest thrill and the greatest freedom. 

I think this happens more often than we realize. We go looking for something we think we want, and God surprises us with something else. 

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."  Proverbs 16:9 

Sometimes we think of this verse as comfort, and we preach it to ourselves when we realize we've become control-freaks. Other times we become extremely frustrated when our plans don't work out and we secretly wish that this verse didn't exist. I am the ultimate plan-maker. Seriously. I really like my plans. I like to know what I'm going to find ahead of me. I like to be prepared. And I'm generally not a fan of surprises. But I've been learning that we should always try to find excitement in the unexpected things, because they most often bring the most joy - and joy goes beyond the circumstances.

There are so many big uncertainties ahead. (How is a wedding going to fall into place? How am I going to afford life as a student? What if nobody thinks we're doing the right thing? What if everything falls apart? What if... what if... what if...) 

Slowly, I'm learning how to find freedom and joy in the parts of my life that I'm not sure about. I'm being reminded that God is holding us in the palm of his hand, and I'm learning that the poster in my grade 11 classroom was there for a reason. I'm learning that we might think we are some certain place for one purpose, when really God has us in that place for another, greater purpose.

I'm also learning that everyone is going to have opinions - but ultimately, only God knows.

Only God knows the reason for us being wherever we are.

Only God can lead us in the right direction.

Only God can give us beautifully unexpected changes in direction that are in our best interest.

Only God can compose sweet songs of serendipity, that soothe our wandering, love-longing souls. 

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9

Lessons (From A Different Kind Of Summer)

It's sometimes crazy how drastically God can change our plans.

I think most people go into a summer with plans and dreams and mile-long bucket lists - trying to come up with ways to cram every adventure into one wonderful summer of perfect memories.

I don't know if it's the same for anyone else, but my summers never seem to turn out the way I originally plan. For example, last summer I planned on working as many as hours as possible before I started university. Instead, I ended up occasionally babysitting and filling the majority of my time with road trips, camping adventures, photoshoots, and a dream trip to Arizona. It was perfect. And I guess after such an amazing summer last year I had high expectations for this summer as well.

This summer was so different from anything I could have planned.

I had a couple of job options, but I wasn't very excited about any of them. I really didn't know where I was going to end up. Then my mom ran into one of her friends at the grocery store, and she suggested that I apply to work at her daughter's camp. At first I wasn't convinced that committing to a camp for the summer would be the best choice, but I went onto the website anyways. Even though it turned out that the deadline had long passed, my mom encouraged me to apply. I spent an entire night writing a letter of introduction and sent it out in an email, along with my resume. A couple weeks later I got a call from the camp director, and the following week I had an interview. The week after that I had made a commitment to work at camp for the summer. 

It was a special needs camp. And for anyone who knows me, this would seem like the perfect place for me to work. It's where my heart is. I have invested years and years into different children with different needs, all in different places. But the first weeks of this summer were hard. 

We Can't Rely On Ourselves For Anything

I quickly realized that my job was completely exhausting. I would go home each day drained of patience, and wake up barely able to open my eyes enough to safely drive to work. Coffee became my best friend in the morning, but that still left me to struggle through the afternoons.

The problem with camp is that you can't just go through the motions. Especially when there are children who run away or want to be pulled in a wagon or need to be guided through transitions. 

These are the experiences that God puts us through to teach us that we can't do anything without Him.

Prayer is powerful. It is so important to continually bring ourselves back to Him. We are called to consecrate ourselves - to give God the glory by letting Him do what we cannot do for ourselves. When we consecrate ourselves, there is room for His power to be shown (Joshua 3:5).

He is the only real source of patience, grace, happiness, kindness, peace, love -- everything we need. 

There Is Always Something To Learn (And Giving Up Doesn't Work)

I went into the summer thinking I was completely prepared. I've worked with children who have special needs for 6 years - what more would I need to know?

I quickly realized there was whole lot I didn't know. There were schedule systems and transition objects and certain words that I had to remember to use. Then after the first two weeks of camp I thought I had it figured out again. Until a new set of campers came to camp. On top of all that, I realized that eight hours is a long time to be stuck with the same children. And I also learned that not every counsellor has the same opinions.

God always has something to teach us. For me, that included humility, patience, and grace.

When God presents us with situations, we have a choice to either let Him bring us through it and transform us, or turn around and run away. Even though turning around might be the easier choice, it doesn't work. We can't give up on everything that seems challenging. We are called to press on (Philippians 3:14). Paul even wrote that mature Christians will continually act on the guidance that God provides and strive to reach the goal that He has set before them (Philippians 3:15-16).

God wants to stretch us, grow us, and teach us about who He is. He always has a perfect purpose. 

Following God's Will Isn't Always Easy 

For some reason I used to have this idea that if I did what God wanted my life would suddenly become filled with rainbows and butterflies. 

After being sent in a clear direction this summer (in camp and outside of camp), I have realized that God's will is not always found on the easiest path. In fact, it's probably going to be found on the hardest path. What we think is best is probably not God's version of 'the best'. 

Sometimes what's best even means sacrificing everything that we think we so badly want.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Matthew 16:24-25

"As they led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus." Luke 23:26

God loved us enough that He sacrificed what was most important to Him. He wanted the best for us. And in return, our love for Him should be strong enough that we are willing to sacrifice anything (time, money, friendships, and even sleep - that was a hard one for me) that He asks us to. His love will always be enough to satisfy us, no matter what we feel is hard to sacrifice.


>> I always seem to think that I know what I need, but in reality, thinking about my needs isn't the point. Even though God might take away things that are important to me, ask me to sacrifice something, or lead me through difficult situations, it's really not about me. It is all about His glory. When He is glorified, the end result is always perfect. <<

Infinitely More

I never used to think of myself as somebody who fears change.

I mean, I've always known that my sister doesn't like change. Even the smallest changes, like taking a different road to church or not being able to go to horseback riding on a Thursday night because of the rain. She always needs routine, consistency, warnings, explanations. Change has always been her struggle, not mine.

If there's anything I have realized lately, though, it's that change is one of my struggles too.

I definitely don't need such exact routines as my sister. My days and weeks aren't always the same, and last minute plans are sometimes fun. But big changes are still hard.

So hard.

My sister likes consistency because when things are always the same she can prepare herself. She knows that she was to get up at exactly 7:30 if she is going to make it to her bus, and she knows that right when she gets home from school she can make her chocolate-strawberry smoothie as a snack. On Mondays she goes to Courtney's house, and once a month she can go out for dinner with my grandparents. Each day and week is organized and there aren't any surprises.

When I think about the big picture of my life, that's kind of what it looks like for me too. I have plans for myself. Good plans. Plans that make sense to me. Plans that prepare me and help me know what steps to take. I have lists and deadlines and schedules.

The thing is, when we follow God's leading change is inevitable. Whether we like it or not, things are always going to be changing. God wants our lives to move forward so that He can fulfill His purpose in each of us.

But what is His purpose for us? Why does He have to turn our worlds upside down?

--

He wants us to be happy
I didn't fully realize until a couple days ago that God really does know us inside and out. He seriously knows us better than we know ourselves. We could have the most perfectly designed dreams, but He still has something planned that He knows we will like better. I don't even know how that's possible because I always seem to think I have it all figured out. Still, every time, God seems to say: "Sorry, my plan will bring you so much more happiness."

Whoever trusts the Lord will be happy.
Proverbs 16:20

If we are going to get anywhere in life, we need to realize that we don't know ourselves as well as we think we do. The One who created us knows what will bring us the most joy.

He wants to strengthen us
I think another reason why change is so hard is because it carries with it an entire collection of unknowns. When God brings something along that isn't the same as what we had previously planned, it's hard for us to imagine what the outcome will be. We don't know what steps to take or where we will end up. That's why change is inevitable with God. He turns our worlds upside down so that we will realize we are powerless and be forced to trust Him instead of ourselves.

For when I am weak, then I am strong
2 Corinthians 12:10

If life was completely consistent, and if we directed our own steps, faith wouldn't exist.

He wants to align our priorities
Sometimes we become consumed with routines and accomplishments. To-do lists and schedules become complete idols. We have our perfect plans and we like them. It's comforting to have things all in order. But sometimes we need change to remind us what's really important. For me, maybe God continually turns my world upside down to remind me that hiding in my room and studying for hours on end isn't furthering His kingdom. For some people, maybe God wants to take away old jobs and provide new jobs that will help their gifts shine more brightly, or maybe He wants to move some people away from home so that they can learn the importance of new friendships. There are so many opportunities than come with change.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. 
Romans 12:2

--

I think when it comes down to it we all have a love-hate relationship with change. We have small longings to take risks and see what happens. We want to be closer to God, and we try to move in that direction, but fear always gets in the way.

Peter was a disciple who longed to have those faith-stretching moments with Jesus. He asked Jesus to call him onto the water, but when he finally stepped out "he became afraid and began to sink" (Matthew 14:30). Peter cried out to Jesus, and Jesus reached out for Peter right away. Of course He would never let Peter drown! He then questioned Peter's doubt and calmly erased the wind and the waves. Peter had become so overwhelmed with the unfamiliarity of the situation around him that he forgot Jesus was right there.

We need to realize that God isn't going to lead us in the wrong directions. It actually seems ridiculous to think that we know more about the world and our lives than He does.

We don't have the ability to fathom what He has planned for us. Even the greatest creations of our imaginations can't compare to the everlasting vastness of God and His perfect plans.

So when we love God more than anything else (including our own ideas and to-do lists), we don't have to be afraid of surprises and changes. God moves mountains and works miracles when we step out of our comfort zones.

And His greatest blessings will come when we least expect them.


-Kayla 

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty work at power within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 

Ephesians 3:20-21